ThunderClan at the Mall
by wolf with panther eyes
Summary: When ThunderClan go to a mall, cue lots of randomness. Very funny, please read! Includes a Star Wars obsessed Rainwhisker, a very annoyed Squirrelflight, and Hazelkit and Daisy teaching Poppykit and Honeykit how to successfully flirt.


**One day the cats of ThunderClan woke up to find themselves in a mall.**

**Squirrelflight: **What are we doing here?

**Cloudtail: **Who cares? It looks cool.

**(The warriors gathered around a shelf filled with spreads)**

**Firestar: **I should have the honey!

**Clan cats: **Yay! Honey!

**Dustpelt: **Why do you get it?

**Firestar: **Because I'm your leader! I deserve it!

**Ashfur: **But I need it to get over Squirrelflight!

**Brambleclaw: **Oh, please. She was going to leave you any way.

**Ashfur: **WHAT?!

**Hazelkit: **I'm a tiny kit! I need it to grow.

**Cloudtail: **Give it up, you're going to be apprenticed tomorrow.

**Longtail: **Instead of honey, I'm getting chocolate!

**Clan cats: **Yay! Chocolate! **(rushes to get chocolate)**

**Ashfur: **Forget the honey, I'm getting ice-cream**. (takes double choc-chip cookie dough swirl ice-cream from freezer and starts eating it)**

**Squirrelflight: **ASHFUR HAS ICE-CREAM!

**Clan cats: **Yay! Ice-cream!

**Squirrelflight: **Geez, you're getting on my nerves.

**Clan cats: **Yay! We're getting on Squirrelflight's nerves!

**Squirrelflight: **Grrr…

**Stormfur: **Brook…

**Brook: **No

**Stormfur: **But I really want Mr Duckie! **(pats fluffy toy duck)**

**Brook: (rolls eyes) **Why did I ever leave the Tribe?

**Squirrelflight: **I'm with you, sister.

**Clan cats: **Yay! Sister!

**Squirrelflight: (bangs head against wall)**

**Leafpool: (talking to Ashfur) **When he left it was just… so sad! (bursts into tears)

**Ashfur: (pats her on shoulder) **There, there dear. Have some ice-cream.

**Leafpool: (wipes away tears) **Really?

**Ashfur: **NO! FOOLED YA! **(laughs insanely)**

**Brambleclaw: **seeing as though I'm deputy and all, we're now going to Toys 'R' Us!

**Clan cats: **Yay! Toys 'R' Us!

* * *

**(cats walk into Toys 'R' Us)**

**Clan cats: **Ooh, pretty. **(run off in opposite directions)**

**Hazelkit: (plays Barbies with Honeykit and Poppykit) **You have to be flirtatious, but not too eager.

**Cloudtail: **Where'd she learn that from?

**Brightheart: (looks evilly at Daisy)**

**Daisy: (whistles innocently)**

**Cinderkit: **Mummy, mummy, I want one of those! **(points at doctor dress-up set)**

**Sorreltail: **Okay, darling

**Dustpelt: (puts down picture book) **That was so beautiful! **(bursts into tears)**

**Ferncloud: **Little Red Riding Hood?

**Dustpelt: **Can't you see how much the wolf loved her?

**Ferncloud: **Umm… no.

**Rainwhisker: (stares at TV)**

**TV: **Cats do not like water…

**Rainwhisker: **RiverClan does! **(switches channels)**

**TV: (plays Star Wars theme tune)**

**Rainwhisker: **Cool!

**Stormfur: **Here's a friend for you, Mr Duckie! **(smiles up at gigantic toy duck)**

**Spiderleg: (sings while jumping on trampoline) **I believe I can fly, I believe I can - **(crunches into ceiling)**

**Firestar: (presses button on toy)**

**Toy: **Can we fix it?

**Firestar: **Yes we can!

**Leafpool: (plays Operation with Cinderkit) **No, remove the funny bone first! It's easiest.

**Cinderkit: (presses toy stethoscope to game) **Why does he beep if you touch the metal bits?

**Leafpool: **He's in pain!

**Cinderkit: (jabs Leafpool with needle)**

**Leafpool: **Ow! **(runs off to cry)**

**Cinderkit**: Wow, you're right!

**Ashfur: (singing on karaoke machine) **All by myself… Don't wanna be, all by myself… anymore…

**Rainwhisker: **Shut up!

**TV: **Luke Skywalker, use the force.

**Rainwhisker: **Use the force!

**Ashfur: **Huh?

**Rainwhisker: **Use the force!

**Thornclaw: (wearing Darth Vader mask and carrying light sabre) **Die, Luke Rainwhisker!

**Rainwhisker: **Use the force! **(grabs light sabre and battles Thornclaw)**

**Hazelkit**: Time to put your new skills to the test, girls. Honeykit can go first.

**Honeykit: (walks up to Mousekit) **Hi, Mousekit **(flutters eyelashes)**

**Mousekit: **Hi **(goes back to playing with toy cars)**

**Honeykit: **It didn't work! I'm doomed to remain single for the rest of my life! **(bursts into tears)**

**Mousekit: **Umm.. Oh, whatever. **(walks off)**

**Daisy: (rushes over to Honeykit) **Oh honey, you did it wrong. Watch this. **(walks over to Cloudtail) **Hey, Cloudtail.

**Cloudtail: **Why hello, Daisy.

**Daisy: (flutters eyelashes) **So, I was thinking maybe we could get a coffee or something later?

**Cloudtail: **Sure thing.

**Honeykit: (to Poppykit) **Wow, she _is_ good.

**Brackenfur: **I am Firestar's deputy's deputy.

**Sandstorm: **Never heard of it.

**Brackenfur: **I know, I just made it up. **(looks smug)**

**Sorreltail: **How clever, sweetie.

**Brackenfur: **And as Firestar's deputy's deputy, I say we go to the food court.

**Clan cats: **Yay! The food court!

**Squirrelflight: (resumes banging head on wall) **I - thought - they'd - stopped - saying - that!

* * *

**Daisy: **So Cloudtail, how about that coffee?

**Cloudtail: **And a doughnut?

**Daisy: **One of those nice sugar ones.

**Brackenfur: (talking to kits) **What do you want?

**Brackenfur's kits: **MCDONALDS!!!

**Clan cats: **Yay! McDonalds!

**Brambleclaw: **Happy meals for everyone! **(throws them to the Clan)**

**Molekit: (gets knocked out because a Happy Meal hit his head)**

**Berrykit: (eats Molekit's Happy Meal)**

**Mousefur: **HA! I got that toy duck you wanted, Stormfur!

**Stormfur: **Want duckie!

**Mousefur: **My duckie now! **(evil laugh)**

**Brook: **Here sweetie, you can have mine.

**Stormfur: **Hurray!

**Rainwhisker: (looks through toys) **Where's the light sabre?

**Thornclaw: (stands on table) **I have an announcement to make! There is only room for one Star Wars fan here, and that's Rainwhisker. **(everyone looks at Rainwhisker)**

**Rainwhisker: **How do you turn this **(she-cats cover kits' ears) **light sabre on?!

**Thornclaw: **So I will be a Harry Potter fan! **(puts on specs and draws a scar on forehead)**

**Clan cats: **Yay! Harry Potter!

**Ashfur: **Then I will be a Doctor Who fan! **(dresses up as the Doctor) **Ta-dah!

**Clan cats: **Yay! Doctor Who! **(start singing theme tune) **Whooo hoooo-ooh, whooo-hoo-hooh…

**Squirrelflight: **I am surrounded by idiots.

**Ashfur: **You can be my companion, to travel with me through time and space, my dear Squirrelflight.

**Squirrelflight: **Hell no!

**Ashfur: (shrugs) **Worth a try. Come, K-9!

**Toy K-9: (sits still)**

**Ashfur: **Doesn't anybody love me?

**Ferncloud: **Well, you are my brother…

**Rainwhisker: **It works! **(laughs insanely while holding light sabre above his head) **Now I can use the force!

**Clan cats: **Yay! Use the force!

**Sandstorm: **Let's go clothes shopping!

**She-cats: **Yay! Clothes shopping! **(stares fiercely at toms)**

**Toms: (muttering) **Yay, clothes shopping.

**Birchpaw: **Let's go on the Merry-Go-Round!

**Toms: (back to normal) **Yay! The Merry-Go-Round!

**Sandstorm: **See you later, guys!

* * *

**Spiderleg: **I bags the rocket!

**Ashfur: **Same here! Then I can travel through time and space like the doctor!

**Brambleclaw: **You have no companion.

**Ashfur: **True, but…

**Rainwhisker: **I'm going on a rocket too!

**Longtail: **So am I!

**Firestar: **I bags the bulldozer!

**(All the toms get on the roundabout. Fairground music starts)**

**Ashfur: (switches music)**

**Toms: (sing Doctor Who theme tune) **Whooo hoooo-ooh, whooo-hoo-hooh…

**Rainwhisker: (switches music)**

**Toms: (sing Star Wars theme tune) **Da-da, da da da da, dum…

**Rainwhisker: (holds light sabre above his head) **Use the force!

**Berrykit: **Which force?

**Longtail: **The force of chocolate!

**Firestar: **And fixing! **(switches music)**

**Toms: **Bob the builder…

**Firestar: **Can we fix it?

**Spiderleg: **Bob the builder…

**Toms: **Yes we can!

**(meanwhile, at some clothes shop…)**

**Brightheart: **OMG! Those jeans are like, just my size!

**Brook: **I have to get this T-shirt, it goes so well with my eyes.

**Daisy: **AWESOME!!! All shoes are, like, half-price!

**She-cats: **Yay! Half-price shoes!

**Whitepaw and Hazelkit: (fight over skirt)**

**Whitepaw: **Mine!

**Hazelkit: **Mine!

**Whitepaw: **Mine!

**Hazelkit: **Mine!

**Squirrelflight: (groans) **I wish I'd gone with the toms…

**(back to toms on roundabout)**

**Dustpelt: (through gritted teeth) **This is the FORTEENTH time we've gone on this.

**Mousekit: (yawns) **I'm bored.

**Thornclaw: (sleeps)**

**Birchpaw: **At least some of us are still enjoying it….

**Longtail, Rainwhisker, Ashfur, Spiderleg: **And up… and down… and up… and down…

**Cloudtail: **That's it, I'm off. **(stops machine)**

**Longtail, Rainwhisker, Ashfur, Spiderleg: **And up… and… hey, we're not going down!

**Berrykit: **Finally!

**Brambleclaw: **Wake up! **(prods Thornclaw)**

**Thornclaw: (sleep-talking) **Oh yeah baby, that's right…

**Brambleclaw: (widens eyes and moves far away)**

**Brackenfur: **Hey, look! It's Harry Potter Book 7!

**Thornclaw: (wakes up) **Yay! Harry Potter Book 7! **(runs off into the distance)**

**Cloudtail**: Good move, Brackenfur.

**Brackenfur: **Thanks, Cloudy.

**Cloudtail: **Don't call me Cloudy! **(beats Brackenfur up)**

**Wolf with panther eyes: (wakes up) **That's the last time I eat cheese before bed! **(looks thoughtful) **It would make a great story, though…

**AND YOU'VE JUST FINISHED READING IT!!!**


End file.
